Coming this fall, to a preschool near you..

Cameron Heystek!

The time has come for my baby boy to head to preschool. I cannot believe that it could possibly be time for this, but it is.

Josh's mom and I took him in today to meet his preschool teacher and to get a look around his classroom. He instantly felt comfortable in the classroom and took off to discover. He found a bunch of different toys he liked and communicated well with the teacher. I teared up a little just seeing him int he classroom. It is so hard for me to believe that this time has already come. I thought I would be a mess for kindergarten, but never expected for this to happen for preschool!

Anyway, he will be joining a 4-year old class since he will be turning 4 in October. The only real issue for us to tackle is potty training. He absolutely must be potty trained if he wants to go to preschool. I'm hoping that this will be the motivation he needs to get it done. I plan on buckling down and working hard with him to get it done in the beginning of may, so we will have about 4 months to get rid of the diapers. If you have any super secret tips for us, please, let us know!

Struggling.

I'm sure you've noticed (if you're one of my 5 blog readers) that I haven't posted in awhile. I could sit here and make up a ton of excuses, but that's just not going to happen. Life has become quite overwhelming in the past couple of months and my blog (among other things) have been moved to the back burner until I get everything figured out.

I'm not sure I even want to let this all out here, being all public and exposed, but I think that if I don't let it out somewhere, it will continue to eat me up inside. If you don't want to read someone go on and on about the trivial things in their life, you should probably stop reading now.

I try to live my life without any regrets. I have done some stupid stuff in my life, but it is just easy to brush it under the rug and forget about it. The one thing I can't seem to forget about is the path I took immediately after high school. Instead of being smart and starting college right away like everyone else, I decided to chase a boy that wound up breaking my heart. I moved across the country to be near him, and everything fell apart. It is really hard to be thousands of miles away from the people you grew up with. Of course, there were a few great people near me in California, but nothing ever felt the same. I took a few college courses while I lived there, but only finished one. School just wasn't as important as experiencing everything California had to offer. So looking back, yes. I hate myself for making that decision.

Now, I'm a 26 year old mother of 2 that has to worry about maintaining good grades and doing loads of homework on top of taking care of kids. And a dog. And making sure the house is semi-presentable. It is hard. I am struggling. I have caught a little bit of flack for deciding to take the summer off from school, but I feel that it is necessary. My kid is 3.5 and is not potty trained. I just do not have the time, patience or will to do it while I have so much more to worry about. We have had our puppy for about a month and he continues to pee all over the house. It is so frustrating, but I am so tired and burnt out from my everyday life, I just don't have it in me to sit outside every half an hour to make sure he does his business outside.

I have posted quite frequently about my weight. I am struggling here too. I am lacking the will to push myself as hard as I can. I hate myself for continuing to slack and have had plenty of time to reach my goal by now. But instead, I get lazy. One cheeseburger turns into a week of eating like crap and I gain the same 5 pounds back. The gym has been neglected in the past few weeks, with at least one member of our family sick. I can tell that I have put a few pounds back on because I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. The person I see disgusts me and since I have been so lazy, it doesn't seem this will end anytime soon.

I know what you're saying. Wow, terrible problems. Get a life. It could be so much worse. Yes, you're right. It could. But for me, this is feeding into the anxiety problems I already have, and it seems to have escalated. I am trying to figure out a way to motivate myself to feel better about the person that I am. Like to control myself around food, and to get myself out of bed and onto an elliptical machine. If you have any tips, leave them here.

There are a couple of exciting things in life right now that I hope will light a fire under me and get me back into the swing of things. My brother is finally wrapping up his 4-year stint in the Navy and should be home sometime in the next couple of weeks. It will be nice to have someone that is actually part of my family around. Ever since things have fallen apart with other members of my family, I have been pretty lost here.

Josh and I (along with another couple and their son) are taking Cameron to his first Tigers game in May. It might be a huge disaster, and I might want to cry after the first 4 innings, but it will be a fun experience for all 3 of us.

And lastly, we are planning a summer vacation with the same couple. We have decided to take a trip down to Florida in late August, which might be a crazy move considering the heat and humidity, but it will be nice to get away for awhile. We are considering a visit to Disney World, and according to several travel websites, the crowds at that time are pretty small. Sweet. Even if we don't get to go to Disney and wind up having to sit by the pool and lounge down the lazy river, so what? The idea of escaping Michigan for a week is fantastic and I can't wait for August to roll around. Now to work on that diet/exercise thing so I can rock a bathing suit while we're there...

Yearbooks.

Every now and then, I like to go through my high school yearbook for nostalgia's sake. It makes me incredibly sad that I graduated 8 years ago (where has the time gone?!), but it's fun. To see pictures of people you used to be really close with. Or to read the messages they wrote to you so long ago. It is pretty funny that Shutterfly sent me an email and asked me to write about their new yearbooks, because I was just looking through mine the other day.

Now, mine isn't nearly as cool as theirs will be. You know how high school yearbooks go. You pay around $60 for a huge, clunky book that is mostly in black and white. Well, at my school anyway. The only people that were in color were the seniors. Same goes for the yearbooks that were issued in middle school and elementary school. They were boring! They lacked color and personality and were a drag to look at.

Check these bad boys out:
Photo Yearbook

How fun are those? The bright colors, the fun fonts. I would have loved to have a yearbook like that when I was growing up. Let's face it, yearbooks are great for people like me that like to escape from every day life once in awhile and remember what it was like to be young, and carefree. A yearbook like this? I would probably look at it all.the.time. I am crazy about Shutterfly and their products, but this might be my favorite one yet.

And because I know you're all so interested in my senior yearbook photo:

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Our New Puppy.

Meet Cooper!

He is an 8-week old Golden Retriever.

We bought him yesterday from a local breeder.

The kids are in love with him, and so are we. :)

Life is great

This morning while I was watching my babies play together, I realized that I have been taking a lot for granted. I am extremely lucky to have a husband that loves me and puts up with the person that I am. We are lucky to be the parents of two incredible kids that make us laugh and smile more every single day. It is so easy to get caught up in life's every day problems and forget the things that mean the most to you.

Like this:

Brotherly/sisterly love that happens on its own.

And this:

Spending time coloring together after an afternoon nap.

A sweet baby that pays attention the the world around her:

And a little boy future rock star that puts on daily performances:

Life is good, and it sometimes feels great to stop and remember that. 

Baby Layla

Soon after my wedding in October of 2007, I joined a website/message board called The Nest. Josh and I had lived in our house for almost 2 years, but we weren't happy with the way we had decorated it, so I was looking for ideas. I started frequenting the message boards pretty often and found some really great insight. When I got pregnant in January of 2008, I quickly moved to the parenting version of The Nest called The Bump. There were several message boards for (mostly) women in all stages of parenthood. There, I 'met' a lot of women experiencing the same things I was going through. It goes without saying that after going through so much together, people eventually form bonds.

Over the next 4 years, these girls and I have experienced just about everything life throws at us. We've had a lot of laughs, a good amount of sadness, births, deaths, divorces and new relationships. A lot of us have even branched out and met the other girls in real life. It is always nice to know that if I ever need to get something off my chest, or share exciting news, or find the greatest pins on Pinterest, I have those girls.

This brings me to the point of this post. Baby Layla. Jeni is a fellow poster on the message board I am (proudly) a part of. She gave birth to her daughter Layla on October 28th, when she was just 24 weeks, 2 days pregnant. Layla weighed 1 pound 8 ounces. The first few days were scary. We didn't know whether or not Layla would survive. She was almost 16 weeks premature. Over the past 15 weeks, we have witnessed just how strong Layla is. Today is such a special day for Jeni and her family, because little Layla finally gets to go home. Every time I think about everything Jeni has gone though, I cry. She is such an amazing woman. She not only spends as much time as she can with Layla, but she has another daughter at home too. She has been so strong throughout this experience. She is someone to look up to.

Anyway, so join me in celebrating this awesome news. We are so happy for you, Jeni, and so thankful that this day has finally come.

Back in the saddle again.

Now that you've got some Aerosmith in your head, let's start this post.

I had made it a resolution to work on my blog a lot this year for a few reasons. One, because there are 4 people that read it and secondly, I pay for the domain, so I should be taking advantage of the outlet. Well, life has gotten in the way, and I have been seriously slacking. Please forgive me. :) School is in full swing. I am overwhelmed. Exhausted. My brain hurts. As if 13 credit hours isn't enough, let's throw in two crazy toddlers. You know, the kind that get into EVERYTHING and for some unknown reason, didn't come with a mute button. There is a reason college comes right after high school, and I should have taken advantage of the opportunity to get it over with then. Don't get me wrong, these kids are amazing, and I'm very lucky to even have the support of family to get me through the weeks, but it is hard to focus on school when you walk into the living room and are overwhelmed by the smell of syrup. Um, what? Breakfast was over at least an hour before this. That's right, I am the lucky person that got to dig syrup out of the creases of the couch. And clean the smeared stickiness off books, the floor and the coffee table. I still haven't even found the bottle that created this nightmare. Perhaps I should look for that.

Anyway. So that is my life right now. Hours, upon hours of homework (this is for real. my classes this semester are very demanding). And two small tornadoes that know the perfect (er, not so perfect) times to strike. Sigh.

In other news, I am back on the wagon. What wagon, you ask? Well, it's been a year and a half, and I'm still struggling with the weight loss. I have come so far, and let my self slip right back into old habits. I was 5 pounds from my goal. 5. And then I decided I was tired of being restricted, so I let myself go. And now I'm back up where I don't want to be. Sure, I know what to do to ditch the pounds, but it takes time. I am in it for real this time. This is it. I am back on Weight Watchers and this time, I'm going to reach my goal. When I started yesterday, I was about 30 pounds from my goal. It broke my heart into a million pieces when I saw that number. I was disgusted, angry and mostly sad. I am hoping that I will have the willpower and motivation to get rid of the weight and keep it off.

My biggest motivation right now is this:

My brother is getting married in October, and I will be a part of their wedding party. His fiancee has tiny friends and sisters, so I refuse to be up there next to them and feel self conscious. Plus, summer is right around the corner, and I want to wear cute clothes! So anyway, bear with me while I complain about missing Taco Bell and Coke. I won't be missing out on too much Chipotle though. I will gladly use my weekly points for that burrito-bowl deliciousness.